This is an unofficial survey that I have used in family and community relations courses. It’s a quick way to find out which love languages you prefer. You can also answer from your partner’s point of view and gain new understanding to improve your relationship. Don’t forget to get one of Dr. Gary Chapman’s books.
Try the survey:
Give yourself 2 points if it always applies, 1 point if it sometimes applies, and 0 points if it never applies.
GIFTS
An unexpected gift can keep me walking on air for days
I’d rather receive a small, thoughtful gift than an extravagant compliment
Only me love receive gifts, or even gifts
I’d rather get a reward than a standing ovation.
Remembering birthdays and anniversaries is very important to me.
I put a lot of thought and effort into getting the right gift for the people I care about.
I get very excited about organizing parties and special events for others.
It shocks me when someone goes to great lengths to make or find the perfect gift for me.
I keep trinkets because they were given to me by special people or as souvenirs of special events.
It makes me really depressed when I don’t get presents on holidays and on my birthday.
Score: / 20
QUALITY TIME
I like to share hobbies or work projects with others.
I like spending time with people, one on one or in a group.
I feel lonely if I can’t spend time with the people I care about
I enjoy working as part of a team
I am a ‘sociable person’ – I like company
I like to get together with people to play or watch sports.
I feel hurt when others exclude me or do not involve me in activities
I show people I care by being with them
I feel quite comfortable just being with others in silence.
In times of trouble, just being there is what matters.
Score: / 20
REWARD
A kind word can keep me going for a long time.
Honesty is very important to me, but not ‘brutal’ honesty.
When people criticize my best efforts I am hurt.
I feel like “a million bucks” when I get sincere praise
I get excited about motivating and encouraging people
I am quite sensitive to other people’s moods and feelings.
I don’t mind doing things for others, but it helps to hear a ‘thank you’ at the end.
I like when people congratulate my achievements.
I value praise and try to avoid criticism.
I’d rather have a standing ovation than an expensive gift
Score: / 20
speak
I appreciate when others listen patiently and don’t interrupt me.
I enjoy late-night chats with my partner or close friends
I feel appreciated when others take the time to understand my feelings.
I get a buzz that my opinion or ideas are valued
I like to understand what other people are thinking and feeling.
I feel appreciated and excited when people want to hear my stories.
I’m interested in hearing other people’s stories.
I enjoy when other people come to me with their problems or can use me as a ‘sounding board’
I like it when people listen to me sympathetically.
I spend a lot of time talking on the phone.
Score: / 20
ACTS OF SERVICE / HELP
Actions speak louder than words
I like to do favors for people
I find it frustrating when people wait to be asked instead of realizing what to do.
True friends are those I can trust to help me in times of trouble.
Getting help with homework or a project at work excites me
I feel significant and useful when I have done a very good job.
I believe that punctuality and diligence are very important character traits.
I appreciate when people do things they don’t enjoy doing.
I am goal oriented and like to do my best
I like when others collaborate and help, especially without having to ask me.
Score: / 20
PLAY
A touch can say a lot
A hug from a loved one can brighten the darkest day.
I feel very hurt when people I care about physically withdraw from me.
I enjoy giving and receiving playful hugs, pats, or pushes.
I have a pretty close personal space
I think you can tell a lot about a person from their handshake.
I don’t like it when people I interact with avoid eye contact.
I am excited to give and receive genuine smiles
I like rough housing with my friends and family.
I enjoy giving and receiving massages
Score: / 20
Total points:
Final scores:
GIFTS = ___ points
QUALITY TIME = ___ points
REWARD = ___ points
speak = ___ points
ACTS OF SERVICE / HELP = ___ points
PLAY = ___ points
I acknowledge the work of Dr. Gary Chapman and also Mrs. Susan Smith in developing this survey that I have customized and used in family and community development programs.