I was the bad guy. It took me a while to learn this, but I have never been dumped by a boyfriend because I was always the dumper. I am currently happily married and have no intention of leaving my husband, but it took me a while to understand why he was so unhappy with a long list of exes.
Perhaps others, both those who have been dumped and those who are dumping, can learn from the various mistakes I’ve seen made by my exes who tried to win me back. I’m not going to tell you right away what the biggest mistake everyone made was, because I think you know that and it’s important that you own up to it. Call it the epiphany need, if you will.
Exes don’t become exes by accident. Yes, they were all charming, elegant and eager to please. Now, don’t get me wrong. These guys were not pushovers. A guy I dated was a Marine. He was a very sweet boy, but a very manly man.
He was attentive, brought me flowers and remembered anniversaries. He opened my car door for me, held my hand when we went for a walk, and was always polite and respectful. He treated my mother well and my parents loved him very much. (Trust me, they didn’t like all of my boyfriends.) So did my boyfriend before him.
The previous boyfriend was athletic and handsome. He was charming, sweet and attentive too. He was a true gentleman and all my friends were jealous. In fact, several of his friends told me that he always talked about me when he left me, doting on me. He clearly cared about me and wanted very much to make me happy.
And, yes, we had those mushy phone conversations where neither of us wanted to hang up first. We also had those secret couple signals that we were thinking of each other. We would stay up late together, talking and genuinely enjoying each other’s company.
In truth, I could say these things about all my exes, which begs the question of why they were my exes. Careful, yes. Sweet, yes. Sticky, yes. I loved spending time with each of my boyfriends, but not all of my time.
I have my own goals, work and my own interests. I have my own life. I want to share my life with you, but I don’t want you to become my life. That’s the biggest mistake these guys made. If I told you that I wanted some me time, you immediately responded by holding on to me even tighter.
There is not much less attractive than someone who is desperate. He didn’t pull me in, instead he made me want to push you further away. If I asked you not to call, but to give me some me time and you spent the next day calling, it made you even more unattractive. You became someone completely different.
And, in truth, he wasn’t the person I was attracted to in the first place. I’ve learned? The biggest mistake you can make when trying to get your ex back is to lose yourself in the process of trying to get your ex back. Or did you figure it out on your own?