For some adoptive and foster parents, attachment theory is a new concept, although it was first described in the 1950s. In a London hospital, psychiatrist John Bowlby and social worker James Robertson studied the effects of infants children under three years separated from their mother. In the 1950s, long hospital stays and exclusion of parents were common practice, although it was common knowledge in the community that children, especially those under the age of three, were “changed for the worse” when they returned home. Robertson stated, “A hospital experience has dangers of emotional trauma for the young child.” Bowlby and Robertson identified three stages for separated children: Protest, Despair, and Denial/Detachment.
- Protest – The child waits for the mother to respond to his cries. When she doesn’t come, the boy is heartbroken, visibly upset, and searches for her.
- Despair – With the continued absence of the mother, the child loses hope, becomes withdrawn and silent, and becomes what Robertson calls “established.”
- Denial/Detachment – The boy shows more interest in his surroundings and seems happy, which Robertson saw as a sign of danger. In reality, the child is simply making the best of the situation. Robertson noted, “When her mother comes to visit, she seems like she barely knows her and doesn’t cry when she leaves.” Once the child returns home, and if his stay was long, he does not seem to need any maternal care. Their relationships are described as superficial and distrustful.
These three stages occur none young child separated from its mother for a period of weeks and sometimes even days. Bowlby and Robertson were able to witness firsthand the effects of separating a child from its mother. Parents whose children suffered early abandonment did not witness their children being separated, but they can imagine and understand their children’s trauma and fears.
Because of this early separation, foster and adopted children will have current events that will trigger past experiences of loss or abandonment. Let’s look at the example of Jacob, 8 years old, adopted in Colombia at 2 years old. Jacob was taken to the orphanage several days after his birth. The orphanage was in a poor area; it had some broken toys, shared clothes and little food for the children. Jacob’s adoptive parents, Julie and Ron, know that his tantrums occur when things are “taken” from him and especially when he loses food as punishment. This year at school, his teacher’s behavior plan was to take tokens from children who misbehave. Jacob’s parents know that this will trigger his old trauma and, without delay, they talk to the teacher. Fortunately, the teacher understands the meaning of Jacob’s early loss and changes the classroom behavior plan. Now kids earn tokens when they care about their teacher.
Bowlby and Robertson were pioneers in identifying the three phases that lead to attachment difficulties. His work has been invaluable in understanding how to prevent attachment difficulties. Although we may not be able to prevent all children from experiencing premature separation and loss, Bowlby and Robertson’s work provides a backdrop for understanding the three phases children experience when they experience neglect, abandonment, or loss.
1 Robertson, J. (1958) Young children in hospitals. New York.: Basic Books.