1. Apologize. An apology makes the angry customer feel heard and understood. It spreads and rages and allows you to start rebuilding trust. Not only that, but pilot studies have found that the mere act of apologizing has lowered the costs of lawsuits, settlements, and defense. You must apologize to clients regardless of fault. Certainly, the apology should be worded carefully. Here is an example of a sincere but careful apology:
“Please accept my sincere and unreserved apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you.”
2. Kill them gently with diplomacy. This simple phrase has never failed me: “Clearly, we’ve upset you and I want you to know that getting to the bottom of this is just as important to me as it is to you.” When you say this, the anger begins to dissipate. He has addressed anger directly and non-defensively and has not been drawn into the drama of the attack.
3. Go to computer mode. To use computer mode, you assume the formalities of a computer. You speak generally, unemotionally, and you don’t take the bait your angry or difficult client is throwing at you. Your words, tone, and attitude are completely impersonal and neutral (think of the automatic answering system you speak to when you call your cell phone company or bank).
This “computer mode” response deflects, diffuses, and disarms angry clients because it doesn’t add fuel to the fire by giving your difficult client what they want: an emotional reaction. When you don’t take the bait, the difficult customer is forced to stop in his tracks. And that means you regain control (and confidence).
The computer mode approach in action
Let’s say your client says:
“You don’t give a damn about customers. Once you get a customer to close a deal, the service aspect is over.”
While it can be tempting to fan the fire with an equally hostile response like “What’s your problem, you damn?”
Don’t bite the hook. If you take the bait, the situation will only get worse and nothing productive or positive will turn out. An answer in computer mode might look like this:
“I’m sure there are some people who think we don’t care about serving customers.”
“People get irritated when they don’t get the help they need right away.”
“It is very annoying to experience a delay in the response of the service.”
“There is nothing more distressing than feeling like you are being passed from one place to another when all you want is help.”
And then you stop, like a closed computer.
No matter how uncomfortable the verbal abuse is or how ridiculous it becomes, continue to respond without emotion. This tactic works because it is neutral, does not bite the hook, and because it is unexpected. The difficult client wants to mislead you, make you lose control, and make you respond emotionally. When you fail to do each of these things, you actually regain control.
Go “computer mode” the next time you are faced with verbal abuse from an irate or unreasonable customer, and I promise you will quickly regain control and have fun with the process.
4. Give this question a try: “Have I personally done something to annoy you? … I’d like to be part of the solution.” Of course, you know that you have done nothing to upset the customer. You ask this question to force the angry customer to think about their behavior. Often times, just asking this question is enough for the ballistic client to begin to switch from the right brain to the left, where they can begin to listen and rationalize.
5. Show empathy – Empathy can be a powerful tool used to disarm an angry customer and show that you really care about the inconvenience the customer has experienced. Expressing empathy is good for YOU, too, as it helps you start to really see the problem from the customer’s perspective, and this perspective will help you stay calm when your customer gets excited. By letting customers know that you understand why they are upset, you build a communication bridge between you and them.
Here are some phrases that express empathy:
or “That must have been very frustrating for you.”
or “I realize the wait you encountered was inconvenient.”
or “If I were in your place, I’m sure I would feel the same as you.”
or “It must have been very frustrating for you to have waited five days for your order and I am sorry.”
6. And finally, here is a tip that works like magic. …. Show appreciation by the difficult person’s feedback. After your difficult client has ranted and delusional, you can regain control of the conversation by stepping in, not interrupting, but stepping in to thank him for taking the time to give you feedback. You can say something like:
Thanks for being so honest.
Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you feel.
We appreciate clients who let us know when things are not right.
Thank you for caring so much.
The reason this advice works so effectively is because the last thing your irate or unreasonable customer expects is that you respond with kindness and gratitude. It is an impact factor and many times you will find that your client is stunned in silence and this is exactly what they want. When the customer is stunned and silent, you sit in the driver’s seat and steer the conversation in the direction you want.
When you do these things, you will find that being the recipient of verbal abuse does not have to be threatening or intimidating. You can appear confident, collected and strong … and most importantly, you will regain control of the conversation.