Divorce is a very painful experience. Even after some time has passed, the pain can be triggered again by anything that reminds you of your own. It could be something as simple as listening to your favorite music on the radio. Although things can get better over time, what you do over time determines the length of your healing process. Time is not the best healer, what we do with that time can be. I once knew a woman who put her life on hold for 14 years after her divorce and still suffered from it, 14 years after her.
If you are ever going to heal your broken heart and find the courage to love yourself and others again. You have to learn some coping skills. A coping skill is a behavioral tool for overcoming difficult situations, without correcting or eliminating the underlying cause. So you don’t need to analyze or worry about why your heart was broken, to learn to feel good about yourself again. Coping skills will help you work through emotions like anger, rejection, bitterness, and sadness that often follow a breakup. If you don’t learn to control your emotions, they will control you. They will control your mood, decisions, actions, habits, behavior, mentality, mindset (your way of thinking) and well-being.
14 useful tips to mend your broken heart:
- 1. Acknowledge that your heart is broken. You cannot amend or change what you cannot admit. Denial is an unwillingness to face the truth on a conscious or subconscious level. Denial doesn’t make the problem go away and can lead to irrational thinking and fear of facing the truth. It is important to have a time of mourning. It is the death of your relationship. If you refuse to acknowledge your pain, it just sits in the back of your mind, it doesn’t really go away. In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what is known as the five stages of grievance. They are the following:
- Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
- Angel: “why is this happening? Who to blame?”
- Negotiation: “Make sure this doesn’t happen, and I’ll ____ in return.”
- Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
- Acceptance: “I am at peace with what is going to happen/has happened.”
Recovery begins when you allow yourself to reconnect with your interests. And learn to cultivate yourself and connect with joy again. When you tell yourself that it’s okay to feel good again. This begins with making efforts to focus your attention from your pain to living with purpose again. Recovery does not necessarily mean the end of your pain, but it does mean that you are taking charge of your pain. And that your pain no longer controls you, because you have stopped reacting to it. You have begun to use your pain to motivate yourself. After a previous break, I lost 3 stones and got back in shape. Talk about how to get your life back! Exercise is good because it doesn’t just make you fit. It allows you to release your aggressiveness and gives you a happy buzz.
Your pain will eventually go away, after you take care of it. Although it may not be immediately. People get depressed when they don’t deal with their negative feelings. Trust your loved one and God. Your loved ones will listen and comfort you, but God will heal you from the inside out when you put your trust in him. Also pray for strength and healing (emotional, spiritual and mental): Psalm 147:3 – “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Don’t look at your failed marriage as a reflection of you. The fact that your marriage failed does not make you a failure in relationships. You just haven’t met your partner yet. Learn from this experience for better luck next time. Were there any warning signs, in hindsight? Many things we do in life require some effort before getting it right. Especially when we don’t ask for God’s guidance first.
Use this time of not being in a relationship as a time of self-discovery and self-awareness. Get to know yourself again and discover what makes you tick. Use this time to discover what you really want from life. If you don’t know where you’re going, you won’t know when you’ll get there. If you don’t know what you want, you won’t know what to pray for.
Try to find out what you really want in a relationship. And don’t settle for less, keep praying until you find the right person. You can also join a prayer group: James 5:16b – “The effective and fervent prayer of the righteous can greatly
Develop a relationship with the Holy Spirit. When your spiritual eyes are open, you will not choose the wrong person. He can also direct you and teach you how to choose the right partner: John 14:26 – “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have told you.
Be friends with yourself by developing a winning mindset (way of thinking): Philippians 4:8 – “For the rest, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovable, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think of such things”.
Be your own friend by always being kind to yourself. And you will attract people who will treat you kindly and valuable. If you can’t treat yourself well, you can’t expect other people to.
Forgive yourself and your ex. Forgiveness is the gateway to any new beginning and emotional freedom. We cannot move forward in life unless we forgive. Unforgiveness is the gateway to bitterness, anger, not being able to get over your ex, and depression.
Change your approach from divorce to something positive. Feel your time with good and productive activities. For example, volunteering will help you feel better about yourself, because you are helping others. Or join a night class, because you will make new friends.
Write a list of your strengths and post it on your wall. Check it out often to remind yourself and tell yourself that you are adorable and a catch.
Reinvent yourself. Imagine and write how you like to be, and become that. This is not the same as pretending. When you are faking, you act in a particular way but think in another way. Pretending is doing something while telling yourself that you are not who you are, you are just acting. Reinventing is doing something while telling yourself that this is the new you. Change your mindset, attitude, and beliefs to align with your new self. Imagine in your mind how someone who has these new qualities behaves, and behaves that way. How they walk, how they talk. Set goals to increase your chances of sticking to them. Research shows that if you can do it for 21 days, you will become this new person.
Make up and write down some positive affirmations. Read them over and over daily, to program yourself to feel empowered again. When we declare these affirmations with faith, it will be established: work 22:28 – “You shall also declare one thing, and it shall be established for you;” Some examples of affirmation are the following.
- I’m adorable
- i love the real me
- I am a winner
- I am wonderfully and terribly made
- I am in charge of my mind.
- I am a positive and confident person
Please leave a brief comment by clicking the post a comment link at the top right of this article. Your comments mean a lot to me. You can also email me while I’m building an online community that will empower people. I would like you to be part of it, to empower yourself and learn to control your feelings, instead of them controlling you. © Copyright Henrietta Elegund. Feel free to distribute it for free, but always include my details (from the resource box) below.
