I recently received an email from a wife whose husband had become increasingly distant and cold towards her. She had started to hint that maybe they should try a trial separation or take some space from each other. Of course, this was the exact opposite of what the wife wanted. In her mind, the best case scenario was that the two of them could come together, work things out, and weather the storm as a team.
But the more the wife makes her position clear to the husband, the further he moves away from her. It was as if his affection for her and longing for her were just detours at this point. The wife was not sure what strategy she should take. More and more, she looked like she was going to take the space with her or without her blessing. But she suspected that once he started pulling away from her, he would never get back together with her. So, she was understandably resistant to this.
In reality, there is a reasonable happy middle ground where both people can at least get some of what they want. And the outcome will usually give you the best chance of getting your husband back with you, back with the marriage, and getting back on board to make things better. I will discuss this more in the next article.
Sometimes the further a husband pushes you away, the more you are tempted to draw him to you: This is just human nature that is most commonly driven by fear. Afraid to let it slip away, you only hold on tighter. But, if he is not receptive to this, then his inclination will be to intensify his efforts to escape and free himself. You run the risk of him seeing you as too limited and something you need to escape from. This is not the position you probably want to put yourself in.
If this is the scenario you find yourself in, it will often be in your best interest to change the dynamic of this as soon as possible. You really can’t let him see you as something that stands between him and his happiness or freedom. Usually you’ll have to set it to suspect or hope that both things might exist at the same time.
Change things when you can feel him moving away from you: Believe me when I tell you that I completely understand your reluctance and your fear. I was in this situation and I remember exactly how scared, insecure and vulnerable it left me feeling. But, I also know firsthand that if you present yourself as the person who is so scared that they have so little to offer that they will leave you and never come back, then you come from a place or a weakness rather than a strength. .
If you present yourself this way, your husband will often find you unattractive. After all, in his mind, why else would you be so afraid to give him some time and space? In fact, he will seem much more attractive and attractive if he can show confidence in himself and his love for you. It’s much better to say something like “listen, I love you and I want you to be happy. Of course you can take as long as you need. I could probably use the same time to fix things myself. Together with this way, we can check in and see where to go from there.
As risky as it sounds, you’ve accomplished a lot here. You’ve presented yourself as someone who wants him to be happy, not someone he sees as getting in the way of his happiness. And he’s set it up so she has access to him during the time they’re apart. (In some situations, he may not even need to leave to accomplish this.) Furthermore, he has hinted that he will take time for you as well. This will make you wonder a bit, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
Preparing things so that you can get him to come back to you willingly: Often when women ask me how they can “make” their husband come back to them, I have to explain that you can’t really “make” someone do what they really resist. Even if you are able to do it, they will resent you for you. But, what you can do is set up the environment and circumstances to make it conducive to them wanting to come back.
You can do this by portraying yourself with dignity and positive emotions. Whatever you do, don’t dwell on the negative. Try to show him the vibrant, happy, lucky, laid-back woman he probably fell in love with. You don’t want to show him the fearful, insecure, and feisty person that you might be feeling right now. He wants the atmosphere to be happy when they are together. Don’t put extra pressure on the situation. Don’t clink. Don’t ask for guarantees. It is very important that you show confidence that everything will work out in the end.
Often this attitude will intrigue the husband and he will want to spend more time with you to see what caused this change of heart. And when she does, the best thing she can do is continue to move slowly and not let her guard down until you’re both equally committed and ready to start over.