This is a book written by a mother of children, now divorced from her husband. The book begins with the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-Version 5 (DSM-V) definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The author describes the book based on her own experiences, but she refers to the American Psychiatric Association and the professional writings she cites. The book is presented as a combination of memoir and manual for other parents in your situation. She speaks of having achieved peace and emotional freedom. However, a few paragraphs later she refers to “my ex (the bastard)” Hmmm.
The author describes narcissists and their characteristics. She relates most of them to her experience and observations of her ex-husband’s behavior. It was not clear to me to what extent the narcissistic characteristics she refers to relate to professional writings or strictly to her own experience with her ex-husband.
The author describes narcissistic traits related to DSM-V criteria related to professional writings and his own experience. He talks about his experiences and observations in a conversational way that I found easy to follow and understand.
She discusses the early family influences that set the stage for the development of narcissistic personality disorder. She makes it clear that this condition is not a choice that people make for themselves. It is a condition that tends to run in families and may be at least partially genetic.
The book goes on to describe the difficulties of separating from a narcissistic spouse who is not negotiating honestly. The author describes how these people try to manipulate the authorities, the courts and even the family of their ex-spouse to their advantage. Trying to negotiate with such a person is usually a losing proposition.
Balancing and coordinating the time each spouse has with the children can also be difficult, and you may need the help of lawyers and courts to keep arrangements in check. The author details a long list of potential co-parenting problems and suggests specific approaches to handling each one.
Issues indicating the appropriateness of therapy for children caught up in divorce and post-divorce struggles are also discussed. The therapy is considered “critical to the success of co-parenting” among other supports, but it does not elaborate on how the therapy might be helpful to the parents.
The author addresses a wide variety of issues that can arise when managing co-parenting with a narcissist. He also provides specific recommendations for handling each of these problems. She tackles complex difficulties involving family members and how they can be manipulated by narcissistic ex-spouses.
It ends by emphasizing the need for self-care. It also emphasizes taking the time and making the effort to recover from the trauma of being married to a narcissistic spouse or being the ex-spouse of one, especially when it comes to children. Although all of these issues might suggest the help of a therapist, the author does not specifically address how a therapist might help with this process. However, he does discuss an extensive list of actions that an individual could undertake in order to recover from this series of very difficult situations.
The author suggests that the best way to handle these difficulties is to not get involved in a relationship with a narcissist. I totally agree with this conclusion. However, narcissists can be very seductive and put on a false front for a while. If you find yourself in this situation, this book could provide a helpful roadmap through the narcissistic jungle.