Face it, times are tough.
Families are more financially strapped than ever.
Can you afford to stay in your own home?
Are you a boom or sandwich generation wondering how to care for / pay for your children, your parents, and saving for your own retirement? Are you a widower or recently retired and wondering how you are going to make ends meet?
There are many reasons why family life or family care is an excellent option: it is easier to take care of your loved ones if they live with you, most people prefer to be with or near your family, you tend to receive better care of relatives. and close friends, and it’s cheaper.
It is not surprising that 80% of the elderly population depends on family care.
In today’s precarious economy, it could simply be a necessity.
You may be the type of person who prefers to live in your own home or with someone you know rather than move into a care facility. Also, the costs of care are astronomical. Even with medicare and medicaid, there are still many hidden and unexpected costs, not to mention how difficult it is to find a care center where you can enjoy the people and staff and get the care you need and deserve.
I know of several friends and neighbors who had lost their jobs due to downsizing, budget cuts, and forced (or highly encouraged) early retirement. Gasoline costs four dollars a gallon and today I almost paid ten dollars for a two-pound bag of cherries at the store. I told the cashier that I would not buy them, thank you very much.
The imprisoned economy is affecting everyone, particularly the elderly who have to take their medications, pay for rising electricity costs who still make it to their doctor’s appointments. These are not luxuries. Nursing home costs are staggering, and not all of them are covered by Medicare and Medicaid. On average, the daily cost of a care center is $ 350.00 per day, and units with memory problems range between $ 450 and 700.00 per day. One day.
But moving in with your adult children may not be ideal either.
Most people want to remain independent as long as possible.
How do you stay in your own home?
Advance plan. Consider long-term care, but make sure you go with a reputable company that is in business and will honor their contracts for years to come.
When shopping for what you think will be your last home, consider the city, driving distance, doctor, care facilities, and senior resources. Can you live there after you can no longer drive? Can you use a community van or are there taxis? Is your house / bedroom on the first floor? Can you manage the maintenance of your home and garden? Plan, plan, plan.
Buy a property and build a smaller house or garage that can be converted for a caregiver or family member. It is an investment that you will be able to keep, and when or if you need to sell, it will only improve the value of your property.
Consider renting a room to someone else and splitting certain home or home health care charges
Convert a garage or an attic and rent it to a family member or a younger person. You might even consider renting for services: college age, divorced, and many people would benefit from this arrangement, as well as nieces or nephews just starting out in life.
Build an apartment in your house, or if you move into your children’s house, build one in theirs so you still have privacy and can come and go as you please.
As time goes on, consider a small group led by a licensed care worker who only accepts 4-8 people; Charges are generally lower, although they may do less for you medically, so consider your medical and health needs when doing this. decision
How to live with family members without hating each other
Set rules early on – Realistically know that you will have differences and times when you need to talk honestly about what’s bothering you. Make sure you can sit down and do this knowing that you will be heard and respected, and that you will offer the same in return.
If you have young adults or college-age young adults living with you, try not to judge or comment on all aspects of your life (you must make your own mistakes) and learn from them. Let them know that you are there, they will be happy to listen to them or offer advice, if they ask for it.
Try not to get obsessed with doing everything your way. Learn to compromise. It’s okay if someone buys a different laundry detergent than they are used to. Pick your battles and try to have as few kinks as possible.
Know that there will be a honeymoon and a time of disappointment when you will wonder if you made the right decision, but also know that this too will pass.
Accept that change is inevitable. Don’t grieve for what you once were: embrace the now and choose to find the good in each day.
Allow each other intimacy, still knock on the door, and be considerate of quiet, rest, and alone time.
Be sensitive, if your loved one is acting strange, they may be going through something that you cannot share or verbalize, there is a time to be tender and patient with each other.
Plan certain meals or times together, but don’t overdo it.
Hire a caregiver or help with housework; don’t expect your family to do it all.
Find ways to be needed and give. Help outbid for consistent work.
Try not to complain about your health or your living conditions; It may not all be perfect, but it could still be better than your other options.
Refraining from commenting on their life choices – how they dress, where they go to church (or not), the state of their marriage – listen more than advise.
Make friends and contacts, don’t trust your family to be your everything.
Smile, be easy to get along with, and show gratitude; it’s contagious, so maybe you’ll get something in return.
If you have a problem, don’t let it get worse. Sit back, say your peace, have a possible solution in mind, and then face it and let it go.
About six months to a year after moving in together, they will start to settle in, but that’s when the honeymoon period starts to wear off – be ready to get over that first period of disappointment. It will take up to two years for you to feel at home. You may feel lonely, lost, and undefined at times.
Make sure to get closer to your new community – join a club, senior center or church, make new friends, even if it’s difficult or scary, it will be worth it. We all need friends.
Elders, accept your place of honor and dignity; They have a special place in the family, but they must know and own it before anyone else. Embody a sense of wisdom, confidence, and respect within yourself; others will begin to feel it when they are near you.
Expect that at some point you have a big fight or a misunderstanding. Families do that kind of thing. It’s okay. Forgive each other. Be quick to say, “I’m sorry.” Laugh at that. Even if there was yelling and pouting involved, so what? People act crazy sometimes. Who else can you behave with besides your family?
Family care is part of who we are. No amount of money can buy love. If you are lucky enough to have a brave enough family that is willing to be together, love and care for each other in one way or another, be thankful.
I was a family caregiver. I brought my mother, who had Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, to our house. We build him an apartment in our house. He lived with us for about three years. So I know what caregivers face. I know how difficult it can be at times: the physical work, the emotional hangover that arises, the stress of living together after years of managing your own home. All of this takes some getting used to.
It’s okay to be angry, hurt, or frustrated with a family member. Families are tough. They know how to love fiercely and forgive easily (or in some cases, eventually). As my friend and fellow author Cheryl Kaye Tardif puts it: “It’s not about how to live with your family without hating them, it’s about living with your family without killing them! You can hate all you want!”
Emotions come and go. Family commitment runs deep.
Life changes and people are not perfect, but having a family is a great thing.
~ Carol D. O’Dell
Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorful and Heartbreak Memoir
available on amazon