It seems that in some schools, homework has become a family affair. Teachers can give family projects or assignments that are clearly beyond the developmental levels of students. I have seen kindergarten teachers pass out a monthly assignment calendar, and very few five-year-olds are able to plan their development that far in advance. Second graders can be assigned online research projects that require them to sift through loads of web pages, trying to find something at their level. Too often, it all comes down to one choice: help your child with his homework or let him fall apart.
A strong case can be made for allowing children to do their own homework or not. Children must learn that their parents are past third grade and that homework is not Mom’s homework. Teachers need to receive realistic feedback on what students are capable of. When your child leaves for college, everyone will be thankful that they got out of the homework picture early.
This may not always be possible. Your child may feel a lot of pressure to make the teacher proud. Or, the other children may get a lot of help and your child will end up feeling like an underperforming child. Ultimately, you are the parent; you are the one who knows your child best and must decide what works for him. If you decide to help out with an assignment, be upfront about it. Work together, and then write “Completed with Daddy’s Help” at the top. The teacher will at least receive feedback on the difficulty of the assignment.
There are two areas where parental help is vital and appropriate. The first area is reading. All children need to develop a love of reading, and reading as a family can be one of their favorite activities. Your teacher or librarian can recommend nice, age-appropriate books that you can read together. Once your family gets in the habit, it won’t even seem like a chore.
The other area in which parents can help effectively is memorization, that is, questioning their child. It’s not glamorous, but all children need to memorize facts, from sight words to multiplication tables and scientific definitions. Your participation will help show your child how important this learning is, and it is certainly more fun to recite subtraction facts while walking the dog than while sitting at a desk. Also, memorization works best when practiced in short, frequent chunks, rather than one giant intensive session. Try to keep it light and fun, and let your child take over. Your participation should feel like a reward, not a punishment.
What happens when your child just doesn’t understand how to do his homework? Tread carefully here. Balance your child’s need to do the work with the teacher’s need to know that your child can’t do it alone. It is more appropriate to remind your child of a basic rule of algebra than to write an entire article.
In the end, helping your child comes down to an idea. You want to be interested and support your child’s learning. You don’t want to repeat school yourself.
For more tips on homework, check out the other articles I’ve posted here.