Peter Lovenheim lives in an affluent suburb of Rochester, New York. In February 2000, a murder-suicide involving a couple of doctors occurred in a house down the street from him. Two children ran out of the house after 10 pm yelling that his father had killed his mother. No one in the neighborhood knew the family well, who had lived there for seven years. Lovenheim was puzzled how a street of 36 houses lacked a sense of community. He wanted to meet the people whose homes he passed by every day, regardless of their professions or number of children. He wanted to know the depth of her experience and her essence. Lovenheim knew from childhood sleepovers and summer house swaps that waking up in their beds, preparing meals in their kitchen, and walking through their neighborhoods provided insight that conversation alone couldn’t achieve. His mission would require a sleepover. Some residents refused; and yet many said yes. In the Neighborhood: The search for community on an American street, one sleepover at a time, it is the experience of almost a decade of Lovenheim to embrace his neighborhood.
Eighty-one-year-old Lou was the first resident to honor Lovenheim’s request to sleep through the night. Lou, a retired surgeon, lost his wife of 52 years, Edie, five years ago and misses her dearly. They raised six children who now live in the US Lou welcomes Lovenheim’s company as his schnauzer Heidi is his only companion. Lovenheim accompanies Lou to the local Y where he works out. There, his regular training partners celebrate Lou’s arrival. He appreciates his acclaim, reminding him of his popularity during his surgeon days. However, when he returns home to an empty house, as Lou says, “My life is zero.”
Patti, in her mid-forties, lives very close to Lou and they are not related. Patti, a radiologist, diagnosed her own aggressive form of breast cancer. She gave up medicine to undergo chemotherapy. Lovenheim befriends Patti, a divorced mother of two preteen daughters. She also accepts her sleepover request. Lovenheim witnesses her health deteriorating over time and helps her whenever he can.
Grace, in her late 90s, had walked through the Lovenheim neighborhood almost every day for forty years without being recognized. She lived in a nearby town but chose to exercise in the beautiful surroundings of suburban Rochester. Residents called her “The Walker” from afar. Lovenheim approached Grace during one of her walks and explained her book project. She invited him to her apartment where she learned of her fascinating past. She once lived in New York City and was an accomplished pianist and harpist. Once, while she was walking, she fell. She dragged herself down the street back to her car and headed for the emergency room. Lovenheim questions whether a place where an old woman falls and is left unattended can be called a “neighborhood.”
The married couple, Deb 32 and Doug, 42 represent the youngest faces on Lovenheim Street. Lovenheim spends the night and feels a more self-sufficient partner. Both are on the fast track in corporate America, childless and trying to conceive. They are active members of the local country club. Deb tells Lovenheim that she once needed vanilla for cookies and made Dave drive in a snowstorm to buy some. Ideally, she thought, she should have been able to borrow something from him as her neighbor.
Lovenheim travels with Brian the paperboy at 4:00 am to experience his street from a different perspective. He also walks alongside Mailman Ralph’s delivery truck (postal regulations prevent passengers from being in the vehicle) as it makes its daily route. Ralph narrates helping the residents, including recognizing the signs of a stroke in a client and calling for help. Lovenheim believes that Ralph knows more about his neighbors than they do: “I began to realize that, in a way, he was a better neighbor to us than we were to ourselves.”
Lovenheim validates her neighboring efforts by introducing Patti to Lou. Lou welcomes the opportunity to drive Patti to her medical appointments; making him feel necessary. Lovenheim borrows Deb’s sidewalk salt; and he agrees to take Patti’s daughter to the skating rink as her health deteriorates. When Lovenheim’s romantic interest ends, he turns to Lou for solace. They share breakfast almost daily for two weeks while Lovenheim readjusts. “That I would end up finding refuge in a neighbor’s house is something that never occurred to me when I started my journey, yet there it was,” says Lovenheim.
Lovenheim deserves credit for taking on such an assertive project. He displayed immense patience as he befriended his neighbors for a while before requesting a sleepover. He also faced rejection from those tired of his intentions.
In an age of social media where we are quick to boast more than 50,000 “followers” on Twitter, reading Lovenheim’s narrative begs the question: Do we actually know our next-door neighbor?
For thought-provoking questions about neighborhoods, see in the neighborhood Reading guide: http://us.penguingroup.com/static/rguides/us/in_the_neighborhood.html.