Over the weekend, I received an email from a wife who told me she had read several of my articles describing how to get your husband back, save your marriage, and avoid divorce. She agreed and was excited by several of the suggestions I offered, but she wanted me to explain them a bit more. She asked for a “sort of cheat sheet” outlining the specific steps a wife must take to get her husband back. So, in the following article, I will share with you the steps that I outlined for her.
Step one to getting your husband to want you back: let the separation work for you, not against you:This is the biggest mistake I see women make. Once the husband actually leaves or the separation begins, then the wife understandably panics and begins to cling even more. Now, the husband clearly wants a break right now. This does not mean that he will always feel this way. But, right now, he has asked for some time to process this situation and think. If you follow what you feel you want to do and call, text, and get in front of him every chance you get, then you’ve already set it up so that the two of you are on opposite sides. This is not where you want to be.
I really understand that it is 100% natural to want to know how and what you are doing. You wonder where their thoughts and feelings are going and if they include you. Also, you’re worried that he’s going to meet someone else or decide that he’s better off without you. I know these things feel pretty risky and immediate. I know you feel terribly vulnerable right now. I know these things because I was in the same situation. Because of this, I can tell you without a doubt that if you give in to these feelings and urges that are calling you to follow him (literally and figuratively), he is likely to resist and see you as something that is getting in the way of getting what he wants. that you have asked
I know you probably understand this intellectually, but you’re having a really hard time accepting it emotionally. If necessary, think of it like this. What is in your best interest is to act in a way that will make him see you in such a way that he wants to come back to you. To this the scarcity will contribute more than the excess. Just promise yourself to take a break and do something else when you need to contact him one more time. Let time and space work for you instead of becoming just another obstacle between the two of you.
Step two to get it back: identify the perception problem you have and fix it a positive way:Many people will look at this process without seeing the problem that they are actually facing and therefore need to overcome. I know there are multiple issues that may have led to this. You won’t be able to fix them all while you’re apart, nor should you try. In fact, trying to fix everything will probably hurt your cause rather than help it. Because many times, men read this as more work to do or more hoops to go through.
Actually, your biggest problem right now is perceptions. Right now, he’s toying with the idea that he could be better off with you than without you. And he may want this break because, in his opinion, things cannot change, at least not in any meaningful and lasting way. So you have two obstacles. You want to show him that he’s not better off without you. And you want to show him that things can change. These two things may seem like a tall order, but luckily, they are very similar and things that can help one can also help the other.
Now notice that I said that you must correct these perceptions in a positive way. This is very important. It’s just human nature (especially for men) to avoid or leave things that come at them negatively. Yes, we women feel that this is passive aggressive. But, it is a reality that we must face. You will get much better results and find it much easier if you focus and build on the positive rather than the negative. Focus on what is right and what you can use to bring them closer together.
Yes, being apart is scary and probably not what you wanted, but if you let fear drive you into negativity, you will only highlight what he is already focusing on. Instead, you want him to focus on what is good about you and what attracts him to you. And there’s nothing wrong with improving your relationship, no matter what the outcome. He is a very important person in your life and no matter what, you should want this relationship to be a positive one. This is not as hopeless as you may think, because you already know what he loves about you.
So these are precisely the things you want to show him right now. You want him to see that that happy, busy, dynamic, exciting woman he fell in love with and was afraid of is long gone. Yes, this can be hard when your heart is breaking, but you should do it for both your benefit and the benefit of the relationship.
Step Three – Move Slowly and Let Him Come to You When He Can:Honestly, the kind of progress you’re looking for probably won’t happen overnight. And, you can’t come on too hard or else you may scare him off. Continue to show her (or let her slip away) that you’re moving forward with being the best version of yourself. Stay busy and continue to be positive. This will often increase your interest. When this happens, start letting him take the lead. Like I said, things that are scarce seem to be much more attractive and desirable than things that are too abundant. This is a seemingly simple concept but it is much more difficult to carry out. However, if you play nice, it works most of the time, in my experience.