Don’t you love the web? Don’t you just love sitting by a warm fire with the web? Wouldn’t you like to have babies with him? Sometimes, I want to divorce myself from the web.
Actually, I want to divorce a lot of the copywriters on the web. Take the example below… please.
Let’s listen to it for self interest!
COPY EXAMPLE:”We understand how content, services and user interface interact to produce unique and powerful results for…“
I know that the person who wrote the example copy does not hate the web or intend to harm it. They expected this to be a brilliant copy. it is not
You and I, as information seekers and shiny objects, don’t really care what a company “understands” about the world. What do we care? [All together]
OUR OWN INTERESTS!
That’s not as bad as ALL CAPS would imply. Human beings are largely self-interested creatures. Alright; we are still good mammals.
Give them what they come here iron
When you’re talking to a web audience, you need to think and write about what customers are looking for. They came looking for something to improve their lives (information, products, entertainment, etc.).
So let’s not start the sales copy by telling potential customers what we know or understand. Let’s show them by speaking directly to their wants and needs.
Slang is for people who hate their mothers.
“We understand how content, services and user interface interact to produce unique and powerful results for…“
Potential customers may or may not know what “user interface” really means. They might think so. Even if they do, how sexy is it it’s terminology? Does the desire to click on their contact link leave you breathless?
Why use jargon? It doesn’t really sound smarter. It is not clear and concise. Why do you hate your customers?
A mutual or reciprocal action
“We understand how content, services and user interface interact to produce unique and powerful results for…“
The use of the word “interact” in this context does not make sense. How does having someone you don’t know help you understand the interaction between things you’re not even sure you need?
And really… I think Superman and Wonder Woman are the only ones capable of only powerful results. If you were to hire this company, you’re lucky you probably wouldn’t remember later that you were supposed to get exceptionally powerful results. Though if I did remember, and they didn’t live up to this hyperbole, I’d be exceptionally unhappy.
flaccid optimization
I’ll just briefly mention that this copy is from a home page and there is nothing in the sentence quoted above that optimizes the page for search engines. And believe it or not, this is the copy on your HOME page that is supposed to draw readers to your top-of-the-line services.
Well would you?
If the example above was the description below the business link on a search results page, would you click on the link? What could we do to improve this little sentence (with an eye to improving the odds that customers will click)?
This company touts its use of data-driven design. If this was the most attractive feature to your customer base (which I hope you’ve investigated), let’s rewrite the copy to read like this:
“Is your website doing all it can for you? It will when we’re done with it. Call us for a FREE consultation on how data-driven design drives traffic to your site.”
If this text appeared below the business link on Google, that is a link you would click on. It has text that I understand and something (data-driven design) that makes me curious.
Most importantly, put benefits before features.