Sometimes I wonder if technologies have helped us make our lives easier or complicated. If social networks and social applications are meant to bring us closer or further away? What do you need to know about a person before you start to trust them? Do you think that if you talk to people once a month, chat with them on WhatsApp every day and meet them once or twice a year, it is enough to trust them? If your answer is yes, keep reading.
It was Friday night around 11pm that I received numerous messages on my WhatsApp from my friend, Sheetal Katkar, asking me to investigate and obtain information on Dronesh Mishra, which is based in Nagpur. I was feeling very sleepy and at the time, I didn’t even care to read the full text.
I’ve known Sheetal for 12 years. We may not be the best of friends, but we know each other well enough to fit the definition of friendship. She is from Nagpur. In the last 12 years, there were times when we didn’t communicate for a couple of years and there were times when we kept in touch on a daily basis for 7-8 months in a year. Sheetal is 35 years old and works in Bangalore in the back office of a leading bank.
The next day in the morning, while having my morning tea, I read all the text shared by Sheetal on my WhatsApp. However, I decided to check a few details before wearing my research hat. “Who is this Dronesh? Why do you need to know about him? How did you meet him?” I asked.
“Dronesh has been known to my sister, Pooja since December 2014. She found it on one of the major marriage sites. Pooja is working with Software Development Company in Bangalore; while Dronesh is working in Delhi with an IT giant. They want to get married. I only met this guy once and found him decent. He is in contact with me via WhatsApp. However, we don’t know much about him. We don’t know his address. We don’t know about his family. And most importantly, we don’t know if he is single or already married, “he summarized.
“What do you know about this guy”?
“Nothing”
“What does Pooja know about him? How often do they meet?”
“They have seen each other a few times. They usually kept in touch through WhatsApp, Google Talk and daily phone calls. She knows about his family. He has a widowed mother. She knows about his work and his future plans, etc. . to each other for a year, now they want to get married. Even his mother asks him to get married soon. He is already 35 years old; while Pooja is 31 years old. “
“Okay. Send me a message with your contact details.”
After half an hour, I called her.
“Sheetal, this guy doesn’t seem to exist. There’s no one with this name on Facebook, not on Twitter, not on LinkedIn, not on Instagram, not even on any job site.”
“That’s what. He’s not on the social networking sites. He says he doesn’t like being on Facebook and Twitter, it’s a waste of time. He doesn’t want to be on LinkedIn because he doesn’t need it. That’s the challenge. How can we know about him without his knowledge? We have no mutual friends. Pooja has already spoken with our parents and they have given express approval but even they need to meet his family and parents. “
In today’s world, when CEOs of Fortune 500 companies are on LinkedIn; when everyone is on Facebook and Twitter, he is not there. You work for an IT organization. That is so weird. But what should I do now? That is my challenge.
Let’s take the help of another app, Truecaller. As I typed in the number, I came across the name of a Ranjeev Singh Thakur. I thought maybe Dronesh had gotten help from his colleague or friend to get a phone number in his name, probably when he was new to Delhi. But it made my job a little more difficult. Ranjeev Singh Thakur’s social identity may be Ranjeev Singh Thakur, or it may be Ranjeev Singh or perhaps Ranjeev Thakur.
Let’s try.
On LinkedIn, I found FIVE profiles by the name of Ranjeev Singh Thakur: TWO profiles with display images (DP) and THREE without display images. I downloaded both DPs and sent them to Sheetal and asked him to identify if one of them is Dronesh. To my surprise, he identified one of them as Dronesh.
“Are you sure?” I asked him. When in doubt, ask your sister to reconfirm.
After half an hour, he called again and reassured one of them as Dronesh.
For a moment, I was speechless and didn’t know how to react or what to say. The boy Pooja knew as her likely future husband, Dronesh was in the real Ranjeev Singh Thakur. He wasn’t working with the IT giant, as he claimed, but working with a financial services company as an area sales manager.
Anyway, I called the two sisters, took them on a conference call, and broke the news. They were just as surprised as I was.
Another fact that I found on his Twitter post was the fact that he was married in 2011. Whether he is still married or not I’m not sure, but he got married in 2011. Ranjeev has created a Gmail account under the name of Dronesh Mishra and He was using this identity to sign up for marriage sites and other social sites. Through this identity, he was communicating with at least ELEVEN women from all over India.
In the end, I wasn’t sure about my emotions. Should I be happy that I saved a woman’s life OR should I feel sad for creating more trouble for her?
The investigation was a part of this story. The tricky and most dangerous part was confrontation, fulfillment, and acceptance. At first, Dronesh refused to accept his identity as Ranjeev. But when we asked him to show his passport or Pan card or bank statement, he agreed. He apologized to Pooja and asked her to marry him. He further said that he divorced his wife in 2013.
Pooja was hurt. She felt cheated. She did not want to have any communication with him. As we say in the language of social media, he blocked your number. It was not an easy network to break. He began to stalk her. He threatened to leak her intimate photos and videos on the Internet. Finally, we have the help of the police. As of this writing, he has been in jail for the past SIX months.
From this case, few things are very clear:
1) Although there are no right or wrong ways to date someone and while you are dating you do not carry proof of identification or address. However, I think you can find the true identity of a person after 2 or 3 meetings.
2) On the one hand, where social networks have given you a platform to increase your visibility and create your personal brand; It has also given new masks to fraudulent people and criminals to hide their identity.
3) We live in the age of selfies; where we like to capture everything around us, capturing every special moment, however, use your personal judgment to decide the line of control. It is not necessary to capture everything.
4) It doesn’t matter what your age is; developing the relationship takes time. When you find someone rushing through things then it is an indication that you need to be vigilant and be more cautious. Relationships are another name for patience.
5) Finally, breaks, injuries, traps are integral parts of life. Don’t let that affect your passion for life and your love for yourself. It is not the end of a world. It’s a new start.
If you had been in Pooja’s place, how differently would you have handled this situation? Do you think I could have handled it in a better or different way?
(This story is based on a true incident. Names of people and places have been changed to protect identity).