Sometimes I get really frustrated that the current educational system doesn’t prepare us for what it REALLY takes to make a romantic relationship work for the long haul. I wish I had known some of these principles before I got married. Unfortunately I had to make all the mistakes before learning all these lessons for the future. I had to develop some compassion for myself because I didn’t really have the knowledge that I have today when I really needed it. Therefore, I am committed to continuing to master the principles of keeping love alive, not only to ensure that my clients benefit from all this wisdom, but to ensure my own future happiness in my relationship.
In your next relationship, keep in mind a few principles that will help keep love alive. These are tips I’ve compiled from reading 27 books on the subject, interviewing experts, and from my own personal experience working with couples.
Keeping Love Alive Principle #1: Let Him Win at Loving You
This is a lesson I learned the hard way. I had to admit the fact that I never let my ex-husband win at loving me. I spent most of my time playing hard to get it, difficult, dramatic, or trying it out. Your man needs to feel that just by being around you, he can make you happy and that you are at peace and fully satisfied in his company. This is why an overly critical woman can make her man feel that he has failed to love her. He will withdraw affection and love from her in return. He can even say things like, “I can’t win.” Ask yourself, “Have I let him feel like he can always win by loving me?” This is a crucial lesson in keeping love alive. When you come home and you’re in a bad mood, make sure your man knows that he’s amazing and makes you very happy and that your mood has nothing to do with him.
Keeping Love Principle #2 Alive: Maintaining the Polarity of Your Relationship
The feminine essence is: loving, caring, spontaneous, crazy, unpredictable, free, fun, mental, dramatic, turbulent, screeching at the sight of a mouse/spider/creature with more legs than you, frank, honest, vulnerable, raw, carefree, real, crybaby, emotional, a hurricane, self-expressed, creative, chatty, babbling and meaningless, cooking, loud, noisy, peaceful, sexy, goddess-like, mysterious, a dancing nymph, wanting to be comforted, nurtured, supported and loved. The feminine essence is not: controlling, overly organized, bossy, nagging, changing light bulbs (even if she’s perfectly capable of it), killing snakes, doing masculine tasks that require power tools, quiet, talking about her emotions instead of feel. they, too intellectual, so damn independent that a man will feel that she does not need him (sadly, she will be right). Focus on remembering these points whenever you feel like your man is slipping away from you. Return to your feminine essence and he will return directly to you.
Keeping Love Alive Principle #3: Keep the separation and move at your own pace
It was Sherry Argov who distinguished that “men equate longing with love.” If you do everything together, there will be no chance for your man to experience any longing for you. So, don’t jump through hoops for him. Don’t suffocate him by always wanting to be where he is or keeping an eye on him. If he texts you, don’t reply right away if you’re busy with something else. Wait a bit until you’ve completed what you were doing before you text him. If you get home and see a message from him, wait until you’ve settled in, made a cup of tea, taken a bath or dinner, or whatever else you want to do before checking the message.
NOTE: To keep the sexual chemistry alive in your relationship, stay feminine in your relationship and stay true to your feminine essence. Let your man be the man in your life. Keep your own interests and activities alive. Every few nights, make sure you have a gym class, dinner, movie, or book club with a girlfriend or something that ensures you don’t always have your movements immobilized. You’ll see when you get home after he missed you…
Keeping Love Alive Principle #4: When he’s gone from you, focus on making yourself happy.
Men disappear from time to time and as author John Gray said in “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. They enter their caves from time to time. It is a basic need and that too many women do not understand. When he disappears, he is usually still physically present, but emotionally distant and distracted. At such times, take a deep breath and make sure that this is a test. He is testing your reactions. Our natural instinct is to want to know why. We’ll want to know if there’s something wrong. Do not! Do not! Do not! This will lead you further into the cave.
You have to focus on making yourself happy. Organize a dinner with your friends. Play tennis. Go to the gym. Have a luxurious bath and pampering session. Whistle while you cook dinner. Let it be. Don’t ask or ask. Smile at her and squeeze her hand, then walk away and go and be happy.
This will surprise you because men are used to women being very clingy whenever they retreat to their caves. He will worry that your life doesn’t revolve around him and that you seem happy without him doing anything. The hunter within him will return from his cave very quickly to claim his woman, you’ll see!
I hope you enjoyed it, until next time!
Big hugs,
Adele