Let’s face it: some nurses enjoy eating their young. Some are not kind to their colleagues: new nurses, older nurses. Some have fun playing saboteur or bully, committing acts of treason and treason ranging from damaging or destroying the property of others to spreading lies about colleagues and trying to destroy their reputations or get them fired. When these behaviors are tolerated, the workplace becomes toxic.

With the financial challenges faced today, few nurses say, “That’s right, I’m out of here.” Instead, they bite their tongues, dreading another day at work. And the perpetrator of unpleasant behavior knows that he is getting a free pass, no one confronts him. In fact, corrupt behavior has escalated in many workplaces just because they know that the “target” of their bad behavior does not respond in a confrontational mode.

How do you deal with the offender, the “stabber,” as I like to call the variety of backstabs, without preparing for a subsequent attack? How do you turn the saboteur or bully into an ally, or at least a non-aggressor? And how do you deal with pit bulls who are accused of bullying your co-workers?

The Sabotage Savvy questionnaire was created in 1986 and has been modified eight times, each time I set out to do a follow-up study in the workplace. Analyzed preferences when working with gender; whether horizontal violence and conflict had increased or decreased since the previous study; and what was the cost to the victim; what was the gain to the perpetrator. The questions were presented in true / false, multiple choice and open formats.

And respondents did respond sometime! Over 3,000 women and men completed the survey that became the genesis of Stabotage! How to deal with pit bulls, skunks, snakes, scorpions, and slugs in the healthcare workplace.

The survey results, along with hundreds of personal interviews, coined the word stabotage, a new generation of women and men whose main goal was to make their target’s life a personal hell. These stabbers really enjoyed their negative action, getting “kicked” like someone who has been hit by drugs. It is the “solution” of the staboteur. And people who need a solution, need subsequent ones, the same goal or those that continue.

Stabotage is the intentional weakening of another. The goal is to diminish or destroy the credibility, reputation, and trust of the target. The action can be carried out openly or covertly.

Ask most nurses and they will tell you that they deplore bullying and sabotage in their workplaces. However, they will also tell you that they witness it, or are subject to it, almost routinely.

What’s the score? Toxic, intimidating, and aggressive behavior lowers morale, increases stress, reduces productivity, and increases turnover. Collectively, it costs employers millions of dollars a year. Unless the perpetrators are treated, victims leave their jobs or stay, but are emotionally separated from the workplace.

There is a gender factor

Workplaces in the health sector are predominantly female. In the nine national studies I conducted on workplace issues that focused on conflict behavior, sabotage, and harassment, a large percentage of respondents increasingly reported that they prefer not gender. Unfortunately, that gender is female.

In the Stabotage! Study, 26 percent of those surveyed said they preferred not to work with other women. Have you looked at your nursing population lately? My last count showed that the percentage of male and female nurses was still overwhelmingly in the female sector. Think about it, if you have about a quarter of your coworkers who prefer not to work with the majority, what kind of workplace will you end up in? Guaranteed, not highly productive or collaborative!

Style matters too. Women are more inclined to covert sabotage, while men have a more open style. In other words, if a woman is a stabber in your midst, she will be more inclined to be a “traitor” (ie, behaving covertly) while men were “front-stabbers” (behaving openly).

Facing the Staboteur

A toxic workplace is bad for everyone, but facing a bully or saboteur is not pleasant either. Most of us would rather have a root canal than have to deal with the toxic type you have to work with.

Can sabotage and bullying in the workplace be stopped? Yes, if you use the right strategy and tactics.

First, call things for what they are. Many women are reluctant to label harmful activities as sabotage. But that’s exactly what backstabbing, gossiping, taking someone else’s credit, and not passing on vital information is.

Confronting is crucial to eliminating any misbehavior. The sooner the better. Don’t let yourself be submerged in a conspiracy of silence. Too many don’t speak, at least not to the right people. Women are more inclined to trust a colleague, friend, or relative than to confront the person who makes them miserable. For many of us, confrontation is scary.

By remaining silent, you are tolerating the behavior of the saboteur or bully. You’re saying, “Keep doing it to me, to anyone. It’s okay.” That is the wrong message to convey. Confronting, on the other hand, lets this person know that you are not easy prey. Back up and away.

Use the CarefrontingScript model

Carefronting (that is, caring enough to confront) is a communication model that you can use to confront disrespectful behavior face-to-face in a caring but assertive way. It is based on a standard conflict resolution script that has been around for a long time. I am ashamed to say that it took me 20 years to modify the old dialogue and find one that had meaning, influence, confrontation, acceptance, and consequence.

CarefrontingScript

When you _________________________________________.

(What was the action?)

I felt ____________________________________________.

(What was his reaction? Was he angry, upset, feeling betrayed?)

Why __________________________________________.

(How does it look, sound, or feel? Does the person seem to never give credit to anyone on the team? Does it sound like she purposely spread rumors, or does it feel like she’s deliberately stabbing the team?)

Was your intention _______________________________?

(Repeat what the action was … then STOP !!! Do not respond until

there is an answer on the other side.)

In the future _____________________________________.

(What behavior do you want to see? Be specific, say what you want).

Are you committed to _______________________________?

(What do you want them to do).

If there is no change, _____________________________.

(What is the consequence? For example, will you include everyone on the email distribution list for proper credit?)

The more you practice and feel comfortable with using CarefrontingScript, the more successful you will be in handling any bully and staboteur among you. They can even become your ally because they perceive you as someone they shouldn’t mess with.

Cock back

Toxic behavior is bad news for everyone. Your confidence, your mental (and sometimes physical) health is at stake. Saboteurs and thugs choose their victims carefully, constantly scanning the environment for people who appear to lack confidence. By acting confidently (even when you have to bluff), you distance yourself from yourself as a target. Why? It’s just too much work for them to try to tear it down.

The last step in changing sabotage or bullying behavior is to implement your commitment not to play the game.

Don’t just talk about it; put a bite behind your crust. When someone does something unacceptable, call them face to face, openly. Careful with that. CarefontingScript will change your life.

It takes courage to face an executioner. But is it worth it. No workplace should be toxic. If yours is, and you can’t alter the staboteur’s behavior, get out. Now.

© 2008 Judith Briles

http://www.Briles.com

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